


Support

by bibuckybarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Trailer, Endgame, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve is a sad boy, grief counseling scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 13:32:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18335321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bibuckybarnes/pseuds/bibuckybarnes
Summary: Based on the Endgame trailer, when Steve visits the grief counseling meeting. Mouring the losses of his best friends, Steve is ridden with nightmares and thoughts of guilt, he chooses to finally get help.





	Support

**Author's Note:**

> Not kidding, I wrote this the night of the Super Bowl when that trailer released as a meme because my brother said that the grief counseling scene reminded him of the Life Support scene in Rent. Somehow I’m real proud of how this fic turned out? Thought about putting it online for awhile but it’s a bit close to the movie and now seems like a good time before canon rips this (and my heart) to shreds.

Whenever Steve would have a bad night, most nights at this rate, he’d send FRIDAY for Natasha, and they would meet up in the common room of the compound. Steve would put his head in Natasha’s lap and she’s pet his hair and turn on a random Netflix movie. It became a three times a week routine.  
Tonight, he woke up thrashing and screaming, calling out Bucky’s name over and over again at 2am. He signaled FRIDAY and waddled down to the common room with one of Bucky’s blankets from Wakanda wrapped around him, still faintly smelling like his lover. Natasha was already sitting with two mugs of tea on the coffee table.  
“I never saw this before, do you like musicals?” Natasha asked, pulling up Rent.  
“Whatever,” Steve sighed and buried his face into Natasha’s legs even more. She kissed his forehead and queued it up.  
“Fuck I didn’t mean to pull up something that is gay,” Natasha apologized, watching Angel and Collins flirt on screen.  
“Nat, there are other gay couples besides Buck and I.”  
“I know but...” She trailed off.  
Steve had to admit the plot was interesting, he did his fair share of queer history research a couple years ago but still didn’t know too much about the lives of people affected by the AIDS crisis. It still hurts sometimes to realize how much he missed. He watched Mark awkwardly fumble into the life support meeting and giggled a little.  
“These things are popping up all over the place,” Natasha stated.  
“Life support groups?” Steve questioned.  
“Kinda. Counseling groups, for people who are overcome with grief from everything.”  
Steve sighed, thinking about what Sam tried to get him to go to all of those years ago. Maybe the VA counseling would have helped if he had a spare minute back then. He has too many spare minutes now, waiting for Tony and Nebula to get back to earth, surrounded by all of the mess he created.  
“Maybe it helps,” Steve whispered.  
“Yeah, maybe it does,” Natasha affirmed.

They both cried a little at the end, though neither one of them would ever admit it. Steve shed a few too many not quite that silent tears during I’ll Cover You Reprise, which Natasha so gratefully ignored. Natasha flicked off the tv when it was over and layed down, prepping to sleep until another nightmare woke them up again.

The next morning, when he was actually awake and showered and attempted to take care of himself, Steve googled where the closest support group meeting was. It wasn’t too far, he could easily take his bike. The weather hadn’t been too bad. There was a meeting at 3pm two days away. He could make that. He could make himself make that.

It wasn’t a secret the Avengers tried to save the world this time, and people were actually not violent towards them for not succeeding. His name as well as anyone else on “team cap’s” got cleared by the government for their efforts. It was not the reaction the remaining supers expected, but it was one they accepted warmly. He opted to ditch the disguise and go into the meeting just as Steve, talk about what he has lost and how he was coping. It was going to be okay, everything was going to be okay. He pulled out two shirts from his closet, one of Bucky’s long sleeved thermals and a green flannel. The flannel was his, from before everything went to shit and had been sitting in the back of his closet at the compound since god only knows when. Bucky’s shirt was from his time on the run, something he’d keep at his Wakandan hut incase Steve needed a shirt, but he never took it, he wanted it to smell like Buck forever. He opted for the flannel, thinking the thermal would make him too emotional at an event where he knew he was going to be emotional enough.

He arrived a little bit before the meeting started, some other people were up and mingling but he took a seat, crossing his arms and trying to surpress his guilt. A warm lady walked up to him.  
“Hi honey, I’m Helen I run the group, thank you for coming,” She reached out a hand to shake his, Steve took it gently and gave it a kind shake.  
“Steve, thank you for having this.”  
“Oh it’s my pleasure, anything I can do to help,” she smiled, “There are refreshments on the back table, we’ll be started in a few.”  
Steve gave a toothless smile and sulked lower in his chair, mewling what he was going to talk about in his head.  
He wasn’t the first to go, but wasn’t going to be the last either. He decided that was probably for the best. It was interesting hearing what everyone else was saying. Most people talked about losing their significant others, their children, the disasterous economy and want for normalacy, and Steve found it easy to relate. No one mentioned the Avengers or pointed him out. It felt good, felt normal.

His turn whipped around soon enough, he took a deep breath and began to speak, shaky and stuttery at first until he gained some confidence.  
“Um, hi, um, I’m Steve. I’ve been, wow, having a really tough time. My friend, who is gone now used to yell at me all of the time to come to these things. He was a VA counselor and real fuckin’ good at it. I hope in whatever world he’s in he’s laughing at me finally being here. He was my right hand man, literally. I, uh, could have never made it through these past few years without him. It’s hard, losing the people that ground you into reality. My other best friend, Natasha helps but, she’s often off herself. My partner always helped. They’re gone too and fuck I’ve lost them so many times now and this one actually feels real, I know it’s not but I don’t have any other distractions besides talking about getting them all back. No one besides Nat knows how much my partner means to me and maybe, maybe I should tell the others but, it was something we both agreed to keep private and I can’t break that for them. They’ve been my one and only since we were kids and it’s just. Not the same knowing he’s out there somewhere, and I can’t go give them a kiss or cuddle up to them when I’m having another nightmare. We’ve had an incredible past two years, I’d go visit him and everything about our lives finally felt normal for once. We could live and love and be domestic like we always dreamed of but in a fuckin’ snap it’s all gone. For my whole life it feels like everything has been taken from me but this time. I’m. I’m really not okay with it. Everything hurts inside and I know so many other people get it I really do but I’m just tired of it. I want to finally feel what it is like to be consistently happy for once. And I’m doing everything in my power to bring that back.”

He relished the cool air on the bike ride home. He felt good, not better, but good. It was, relieving to let it all of his chest, to hear other stories like his. He walked into the common rooms kitchen to grab a snack and decompress infront of the tv for a while. He didn’t even notice Natasha was there until she spoke up.  
“Where were you?” She questioned. He jumped when he heard her voice.  
“No where.”  
“That’s a lie.”  
“It’s a lie.”  
“Steven Grant, don’t lie to me.”  
“I went to a support group.”  
“And?” He loved that she didn’t ask why, didn’t make fun of him, just wanted to know how he felt.  
“Got a lot of stuff off my chest.”  
“Good, your chest is too broad anyways.”  
“Uh huh,” he smirked.  
“Beefy boy,” she smiled.  
“Grade A all American beef.”  
“What is James then? Russian steak?”  
“Is Russian steak a thing?”  
“I don’t know I was raised by the KGB.”  
They giggled a little like teenagers. Natasha’s expression changed then, she looked up at him fondly.  
“They’ll be proud of you for going,” she stated.  
“I know,” he replied, “I know they will.”

**Author's Note:**

> the pronoun slip ups were intentional :)
> 
> ps: i’m doing a one happy avengers headcanon a day on my twitter leading up to endgame! follow me for trash marvel content @midnightrxdio


End file.
